Lord of the Force
by Mandalore Jaig
Summary: Elrond decides to outsource since their list of allies has grown thin. Mandalorian Jedi are called in to deliver the Ring of Power to Mount Doom. Hilarity ensues since they have no idea what Middle-Earth is like, and the forces of evil are having difficulty stopping lightsabers, blasters, and Beskargam.


"So, how long is this trip supposed to take?"

"Gandalf said four months as the Nazgul flies, whatever that is."

"Some local bird, maybe?"

"I guess. I figured we were in a hurry so I didn't ask."

Alpha pulled out the map, and studied it for awhile. "Well, it looks like we have a few options to get there. We have to get through these mountains. There's a mountain pass, some sort of tunnel, and then further down south a pass."

Beta looked at the map. "Well, that pass seems pretty far out of our way."

"Yeah, it does. I think we should do the tunnel. I'm not a big fan of snow. That mountain probably is covered in it, and heated armor or no, falling off a snowy mountain is going to hurt, even with the force."

"Alright, tunnel it is."

At their speed, they arrived the next day. "Does the map give any clues at all as to where the entrance is?" They had been looking for a way in for hours.

"Hey, I'm going to be happy if this map is anywhere near to scale. Who hand draws a map?"

"Well, I think I've had enough. Should we cut our way in, or just use the force? I think I've found a part that sounds hollow."

There was a rustling in the nearby lake. Small ripples appeared on the surface. "Maybe it was a fish?" said Beta.

Suddenly a two tentacles shot out, one for each of them. "Maybe not!" yelled Alpha. Their lightsabers were out in a flash. Sections of the tentacles fell off. The remaining pieces retracted back into the water. A large monster exploded from the surface, renewing its attack with a dozen more tentacles.

"This world keeps getting weirder!" They both pulled out their pistols with their other hand and began firing off rounds, aiming for the creatures open mouth and eyes. It soon went still and submerged. They weren't sure if they'd killed it or simply stunned it.

"I wonder if tentacle tastes good at all?"

"I doubt it. You work on making a door. I'll keep on the look out for our friend." On the last word a crack appeared in the bare face of the rock , revealing the outline of doors that began to open.

"Cool! Good thing I didn't cut through that. It would have been a shame to ruin it." As they entered they closed the doors using the force.

It was completely dark inside. The air was musty and damp. They switched on their night vision. Old skeletons appeared on an old staircase. "Maybe whoever killed them is gone?"

"You want to bet?"

"No."

Alpha began looking at the number of bodies. "If we have to face numbers like this, we're going to need to conserve ammo. We'd better stick to the pistols and lightsabers. Those at least recharge or don't run out of power."

"Agreed."

They began to walk down the darkened tunnel.

After several hours they were beginning to regret choosing the Mines of Moria. "How can we be lost?"

"We're not lost," said Alpha. He was using all of the capabilities of his helmet that were at his disposal. Unfortunately, with no satellites, many of its functions were unavailable. "We're still headed in the right direction, and I've been choosing the tunnels that don't smell so bad. At least this way, hopefully, we won't run into whatever lives here. Anything that smells this bad can't be friendly." It was true. Even with the air scrubbers in their armor, the stench was pungent.

They had made it to a large open area with pillars that rose to the ceiling. It was massive space. "Wow…" said Beta.

"Look," said Alpha, pointing. "There's sunlight coming in over there. Maybe it's an exit." They double timed it over to the doorway. Inside we're more bodies. "That's not a good sign."

"Huh, they look like that one guy at the Council. What was he? A gimli? These must be more gimlis."

"It seems to be some sort of guardroom. Looks like these fellas got trapped and whoever they were fighting massacred them."

"Unless they were fighting more gimlis. A civil war, maybe?"

"I doubt it. Some of them were killed with…what were they called? …arrows. That's it. None of them have any bows. I'm guessing were looking at another species."

"Maybe it was Elrond's people."

"Could be. They didn't seem to get along with the gimlis."

"Should we restock on water? I didn't get a chance to at the lake."

"Yeah, go ahead, but make it quick."

Beta moved the body sitting on the well away, and began to lower the bucket. As it was going down, a chain broke and a loud noise began to echo throughout the caverns.

Alpha turned to him, putting his hands on his hips. "Really?"

"It's not my fault. These gimlis made a really poor chain. They must not know anything about working metal."

Alpha was shaking his head when he suddenly stopped. "Audio sensors are picking up fasting moving feet coming our way."

Beta exhaled. "Great."

"I'll take a look." Omega pulled out his pistol and eased his way past the doorway. Arrows thudded around the doorway. He quickly pulled back. "Okay, so they're coming. It looks like we're up against small little guys with melee weapons and bows and arrows. There was something big with a hammer too. Let's take cover behind this stone box and pick them off as they come in the door way. It'll be harder for them to mob us."

"Sounds good."

They both took up position as the orcs came running through the partially destroyed doorway. Not very many could make it through at a time and they were able to pick them off, at first. Their pistols were able to recharge, but not at the rate of fire that they were pouring out. Soon there were about dozen that had made it through.

"Lightsabers?" asked Beta.

"Lightsabers," confirmed Alpha.

Working as a team they began to fight back to back. They each had a lightsaber in one hand and a pistol in the other. By alternating between slashing and shooting, they always had a round charged up. The orc weapons had no effect on them since they only skittered off the Mandalorian armor. The only real danger was that a blow might find a weak point, or the sheer force of a blow would knock them unconscious. Consequently they focused they're blocking on the more serious blows, allowing the weaker attacks through.

Parrying attacks was problematic, however, since often as not their lightsabers would simply cut through the orc weapons, causing the ends of the weapons to go flying haphazardly around the room. In any case, they were quickly decimating the enemy forces when the doorway suddenly exploded. A large grey creature entered the room.

Alpha and Beta reflexively fired off a couple of rounds from their pistols. There was no effect. Each holstered their pistols, and as the creature charged, they stretched out their hands. It was thrown head first back out the doorway it had come. They finished off the remaining orcs in the guardroom and ran after it.

It had already recovered and as they neared it, it brought down its hammer on top of them. They both dived away from each other. The hammer left a dent in the solid stone floor. Each of them ran towards the creature's legs and as it was pulling back up its hammer for another swing, they sliced at its legs. It fell with a mighty crash, flailing for them with its long arms. They quickly dispatched it with two quick thrusts to the chest.

"Well, they don't seem very challenging. Although he was certainly big," said Alpha.

Beta pointed up. "They seem to make up for their lack of skill with numbers." Hundreds of orcs were pouring out of cracks in the ceiling and crawling down the pillars like ants.

"That's kind of gross," said Alpha as they each pulled out their pistols and began to pick off a number of them before the orcs reached the floor. "I wonder if Elrond wants this place cleared out?"

"I don't know. He seemed pretty insistant that we get to that mountain pretty quick."

"Who names a mountain, Mount Doom? It seems overly dramatic."

"Yeah…perhaps it has some kind of significance that we're unaware of."

"Could be."

The orcs had finally reached them and they pulled out their lightsabers again and went to work. Soon, however, there were large reverberations felt throughout the cavern. A terrified murmur went through the orcs and they began to scurry back up the pillars.

"Huh. I wonder what that is?" asked Beta.

"I don't know. Could be important, but it's like you said. We're in a hurry." They moved off down through a doorway that led to a descending staircase. They emerged in an area lit by lava. There were precarious, rock staircases that arched over the lava. They both turned off their night vision in the increased light.

"Okay, this couldn't have been built on purpose like this. It looks completely structurally unsound. They must have hired the same architect as the Emperor. No guardrails anywhere."

"What are you two doing? Get moving!" Came a voice from behind them.

"Gandalf! You caught up. I guess you know your way around here better than us."

"FLY YOU FOOLS!"

Alpha grabbed a look up the stairs as Gandalf pushed them down the stairs. "What are we up against?" whispered Beta.

"Imagine a rancor, but bigger, and on fire."

"Swell."

Gandalf led them a ways, suddenly he stopped and pointed. "There! The Bridge of Khazadum! You must reach the other side!"

"Still no handrails," muttered Beta.

"Do as I say!" said Gandalf fiercely. "Your swords are no more use here. Now go!"

They obediently ran across. Orcs began to crowd the far side of the passage. They both pulled out their pistols and began to pick them off. "Gandalf! C'mon!" called Alpha.

Then they both saw it, the reason what he was holding the bridge. A shadow had appeared, wreathed in flame. It approached the bridge. "You cannot pass," he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. "I am a serveant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass."

It paused, then snorted and took a step towards Gandalf. A flaming sword appeared in its hand and swung toward Gandalf. Their swords clashed. The Ballrog fell back and its sword flew in molten fragments. The wizard took a step back then stood still.

"You cannot pass!" he said.

With a bound the Balrog leaped full upon the bridge. Its whip whirled and hissed.

At that moment Gandalf lifted his staff. And crying aloud he smote the bridge before him. The staff broke asunder and fell from his hand. A blinding sheet of white flame sprang up. The bridge cracked. Right at the Balrog's feet it broke, and the stone upon which it stood crashed into the gulf, while the rest remained, poised, quivering like a tongue of rock thrust out into emptiness.

With a terrible cry the Balrog fell forward and its shadow plunged down and vanished. But even as it fell it swung its whip. And the thongs lashed and curled about the wizard's knees, dragging him to the brink. He staggered and fell, grasped vainly at the stone, and slid into the abyss. "Fly, you fools!" he cried, and was gone.

They both stared in shock. Finally Alpha spoke, "What just happened?"

"Gandalf just sacrificed himself to save us."

"We could have blown up the bridge!"

"True… but he made the tough call."

They stood there a few moments picking off orcs with their pistols. "Well, we should probably go. He did want us to hurry."

"Yep." They proceeded out the exit.

They were soon in a beautiful wood. "Where are we?" asked Beta.

Alpha pulled out his map. "Looks like someplace called Lorien."

"That's not how you pronounce it," said the leader of a group of Elves that now surrounded them.

"Okay, I'm impressed," said Beta.

"Good guys or bad guys?"

"Well, so far the bad guys have been butt ugly and these guys…I think they're guys even with that really girly hair…look like those Legolasses people. At least that name makes some sense. They look girly and have "lass" in their name. And why does everyone here speak Galactic Basic?"

"Focus Beta. I don't think they appreciated your comments."

"You will be brought to the Lady of the Wood for your trespassing."

"As pleasant as that sounds, we've got this whole mission thing to deliver some ring to some mountain to destroy and save the world, or something. But nice meeting you." They both leaped over them and took off with force induced speed.

They were both surprised to find that not only were arrows whistling over their heads, but some of elves were actually keeping up.

"Spry fellas, aren't they?"

"Yeah, I wonder who'll tire first."

"That might not matter. There was a river on the map, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't we seal our armor and just swim there? It seemed to be a pretty direct route."

"Works for me."

They soon came upon the river with their elf pursuers close behind. They dived in. Their armor dragged them down to the bottom. The current pushed them along where they took large leaps to increase their speed.

They were making good time when they were suddenly and unceremoniously hit by a stream of water that propelled them up and out of the water and unto shore. They had no time to react. As they got their bearings and looked up, they saw two people who seemed immensely old and yet ageless.

"Uh, hi," said Alpha.

One of the pair was a woman and the other was a man. The woman spoke."What are you doing in our domain? What is this business about a ring?"

"Well," said Alpha via their radio, "they're probably good guys." He turned to the lady

"We were hired to carry a ring to a mountain in," he looked at his map, "Mordor, by Elrond. Gandalf was our guide, but while we were in some tunnels, this large fire creature…thing…attacked and Gandalf and it fell down a chasm."

"Gandalf is lost then," said the lady. She seemed very disappointed. "Forgive me. My name is Galadriel, the Lady of the Wood."

"I am Alpha, and this is Beta."

"Yes, I know. I am aware of all that transpired in Rivendell. Now, we must decide what to do about your mission. You are without a guide," said the Lady.

"With all due respect, ma'am, we have a map. We were able to find the tunnels without Gandalf's help. Our next thought was to take the river down as far as we could."

"I see. Boats would be faster, not to mention there is a large waterfall downriver that you wouldn't notice if you were underwater. We have one you could take."

"Oh, I see. I hadn't thought of that. That's a good point. I accept your generous offer."

"Will you stay overnight and recover your strength?"

"No, ma'am, Gandalf and Elrond seemed very particular about us doing this job quickly."

"Very well, then I will have someone show you to the boat. Safe travels to you both."

Heal the orcs back into elves. Instant army.

"You two fools just had to go blasting everything in sight and couldn't wait for your guide. It's your fault I had to save you from that Balrog!"

Jedi mind trick Gollum


End file.
